Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I locked myself in the 'basement' so I could think...

Only one person will get the reference in the title but that is just fine. I couldn't think of a better way to explain my thoughts & a play on lyrics usually works so I went with it.

I was talking to Mr. Walker recently and he told me I wasn't going to find myself hiding in my parent's house. He had a good point especially now that I don't have Jefe, Joel, or Ashley to drag the hermiting Miss Cupcake out and about. (Or maybe sometimes they would bribe me but that is beside the point.) I kind of took our conversation to heart, which lead me to brood in the basement where all my belongings currently reside in Rubbermaid containers. The majority of it is books and the aforementioned Colombian wine glasses (which I should photo just so you all can see what the fuss is about) and then there are two personal containers. I sat down on the cold concrete floor in the middle of the mayhem so I could investigate and attempt to purge the unnecessary. Every item I encountered rustled up a memory, story, or person in vivid detail. Sorting through my personal history slowly brought my vision from being lost among the trees in the middle of the forest to the unencumbered 360 vista in the tree house overlooking the entire forest. I think sometimes we forget we are the shiny sum of our parts and not the dull pieces struggling through the situation in which we are. As I played with forgotten jewelry, photos, mementos, puzzle pieces, mixed tapes, and the likes, giggles emerged as I fondly remembered the moments that have made up my life. The forest of whom Miss Cupcake is and not her image of herself in her current daily life languidly rolled onto the film strip in her mind and molded a happy realization. I live in color and laugh out loud. My life is messy & full of texture. I prefer to use markers or colored pencils to pens. I am the only girl they used to let play football at recess in grade school. I love sparkly things from stars to jewelry to snow. I firmly believe there is very little a nice bath, bottle of gin, book, or living room dance party cannot fix. I never ever tell a secret. The greatest compliment anyone has given me is his or her trust. I discovered this when I was 16 and the father of my boyfriend let me keep his Mercedes Benz overnight and also when my friend asked me to be a guardian for her child if she dies. These constant unsaid compliments continue to humble me. I only take two things seriously: friendship and love. I would jump through hoops of fire and across flaming coals to slay the dragon to get your chocolate chip cookie back if you are my friend. I would help you pass your motorcycle exam by following you around town beeping for months until you got it right or I would pull you out of the bedroom of a strange boy's at 3 a.m. in order to save you from making a mistake. I believe in love and am a sucker for love stories. Under the sometimes cynical "stoic" exterior, I am a hopeless romantic with a capital 'H' (but only Melina knows that). My favorite stories are the ones about how people met. Grand gestures and wooing are kindly received and never forgotten. If you sent me a love letter, post card, or gave me a Snapple bottle cap, or if I happened to attack a napkin on a date, I probably still have it. I am not easily fooled but can fool nearly everyone except my dad. I love people and am pretty good at reading them. I am a good listener. I remember almost everything, like the time you told me you loved the sound of rain or that you love white chocolate kit kats. I think bookmarks and plants make nice gifts. I always send a thank you note. I cannot live without music, books, or exercise. I adore lyrics and poems, especially Ani & Walt. I am equally good with words and numbers. No one who has met me in person has ever guessed my age. I am hard to get and even harder to forget. Loyalty is non-negotiable and what is ours is ours. I don't share moments even though I believe sharing is caring. If we ran through the sprinklers at Colby, I would never run through them with anyone else. I went to tens of concerts before I was 20. I was a good student and great athlete. When we were in Quebec in seventh grade, I was the only one brave enough to ask the HOT waiter if we could take a picture with him. Oh and there is the incident with chocolate milk that will never be forgotten by anyone present at the scene. I have always been adventurous and have great stories because of it. I don't really like tv or computers and think sometimes I was born in the wrong century. I have insanely awesome friends I know I need around me regardless of the roles they play in my life....

Moral of the story: Sometimes people get so engrossed in how life has become they forget who they are despite the situation.

While Mr. Walker had a different idea in mind when he told me I wasn't going to find myself here, I believe I did shed some much needed light rummaging through those containers on the concrete floor. I can put my situation in perspective because I am armed with a much better view from the top of my tree house above the forest, and in essence, kind of found a version of myself that can help me get out there and start living the life I would like to live. Improvisation doesn't hurt.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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