Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Ramblings

A dear friend recently wrote inquiring why Cupcake hasn't had anything to say so I felt obliged to respond. Lately, I have been extremely unmotivated and grouchy. I believe it's because sleep has eluded me since I returned from the U.S. I fear my five day interlude damaged the eight months of complacency I had constructed to deal with the experience. Now, I feel suffocated and in dire need of some freedom, solitude, a chaise lounge, and a bowl of spicy vegetables. Anxiety has taken a nice firm grip on my mind as I try to piece together the life I will have when I return in July. My financial situation, my living situation, everything looms over my head like the clouds have over Mt. Pichincha since October. Maybe it is the rain, too. There have been maybe ten days of brilliant sun since October. The rest of the time we have encountered endless days of clouds, rain, rain, and more rain. Let's just say the weather here is gross and depressing.

Some days I have so much to write, I am too overwhelmed to sit down at a distracting internet café and let it pour out. But worry not, I have several notebooks and piles of papers full of thoughts from every day of my time here. I've not failed to write at least something about each day. I realize that does no good to those of you without access to them, but it is there- all of it in bright crayola marker or cheap Super Paco pen ink. The mountains of paper and notebooks scare me a little, as I fear I will not be able to organize them once I leave, yet, I cannot bring myself to place them in any order while I am here. Some days, it is a miracle I even find comfort in the awful furniture long enough to write as much as I do.

Since November, I've imagined my first glass of ginger ale fizzing and bubbling in my airline cup. When I came to Ecuador, I knew my time here would be temporary but some where along the way, it transformed into indefinite because I could not see the end, as it was always a year away. If you asked me where I live, I would tell you en el barrio de la florida en el norte de Quito cerca del aeropuerto... My love affair with Ecuador is coming to an abrupt end as the time is evaporating like the steam off the mirror after a hot shower.

I hope I can make the best of my last month and week here and end the love affair on a bittersweet note...

4 comments:

Allie said...

I can't wait to sit by the pool at the Inn with you again!!

Privatjokr said...

(For what it is worth, this is the best piece of writing you have posted.)

cupcake said...

Allie, unfortunatley, I no longer have the perks I used to so I do not see the pool at the Inn on our horizon. We'll just have to find a favorite beach now.

P, thanks, I try.

Shesabigstar said...

That's ok Allie, I'll hook you guys up at the Inn...oh wait, that's right, they fired me! Yep, looks like you'll have to find a beach...sorry!!