Wednesday, August 15, 2007

"There is a Reason They Call me the Queen..."

Recently, I was invited to dinner at my friend Lo’s house where we would dine on her famous Thai Chicken Pizza. Before I headed to her and Mikie’s place, I went for a nice run around the bay. The local trails have a four to eight mile jaunt around the estuary where the city has a lovely path and free parking. I completed my workout and returned to my car where I was surprised to find the little white envelope illuminating the screen of my PDA. As much joy as that little icon brings to me, I DESPISE text messages. I mean they are in the top ten of things I really really do not like. I mean, right on par with Jager, Lobsters, and most girls. I realize there is a contradiction here as I do enjoy the image, so let’s just say Mr. Klein is right when he proclaims “she’s always and never the same.” I don’t like them, I just like that someone has something to say to me. Turns out, Mr. Houdini was back at stalking me via text message, which happens to be his preferred method of communication these past few weeks. I have refrained from writing about the awesome conversations because nothing ever came of them, and I was tired of having him parade around here like he deserved the spotlight.

Turns out he was dying to see me, so he wrote. I told him unless he was buying me lots and lots of ice cream, raising $3,000 for my current charitable cause (see left) or buying my car, I was busy and had NO TIME FOR HIM. For some reason, he has a very difficult time believing me when I tell him I am busy. I have refused to see him since Whit's birthday gathering at the pub. I fear I will not be able to get rid of him until I have my phone shut off in two weeks. Anyway, he was his usual arrogant self, which I ignored. I often teeter on the fine line of “ignorance is bliss” and I need to know. I chose the former for the evening, as I had a dinner date, and I prefer not knowing.

Dinner was outstanding. Lo’s pizza was the best thing I have ever eaten in my whole entire life. Better than WAWA mac & cheese, Fellini’s number 36, and even homemade donuts from the market. I could eat my friend's Thai chicken pizza every night of my life. I cannot adequately express how gloriously tasty this dish was. I am considering having it as my wedding meal should I meet someone brave enough to marry me. Not to mention as my last supper. No, I am not joking. I am dead serious here people. (Lo, you’ll cater right?)

After we finished our fabulous meal, Lo and Mikie were off to meet up with a friend of Mikie’s who was in town visiting. I thanked them tremendously for dinner, begged her to make it again, and made plans to talk later.

Once I returned to my car, I found my phone riddled with missed calls and messages. I finally responded back to him by writing, “Look, you’ve had more than nine months to hang out with me, it’s not my fault you’re feeling remorseful.” Then headed to the Hilton to shower and get ready for the evening. Of course the telephone did not stop convulsing but I am good at ignoring things, sometimes to a fault.

Around 10:30, Lo called me. I did not answer the phone because I thought it was Mr. Houdini again. I called her back to see whether or not she was still out and about. She told me she was still with Mikie and his friend, B, and B’s friends from high school. She was the only female in the crowd and requested some company. I told her I would join her at the pub shortly.

When I arrived at the bar, she greeted me by the door. I grabbed a drink and followed her over to Mikie and the boys. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the group of males nonchalantly standing in the corner. First up, Mr. Houdini’s roommate. Second up, Mr. Houdini’s neighbor a.k.a. his former teammate from college hoops. I looked at Laurie and asked how she ended up with these boys. She told me they were the ones who were B’s friends from high school. She had met the Js before but didn’t really know them. She never met Mr. Houdini and definitely was not privy to the boys’ status as his friends. As we were walking over to the group I felt someone pull on my skirt. I turned around to find Mr. Houdini sitting at a table. I looked at Laurie and then at him. He smiled the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and said, “I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL NIGHT.” To his defense, I’ve never seen anyone so excited to see me. Never in all of my life. He immediately reached for me and insisted I sit down. I was so shocked at his presence I could not physically sit. I told him fate would have it that tonight was his lucky night to buy me drinks and to thank Laurie who I grabbed to question. I thought she was going to drop dead when she realized he was the one and only. Apparently, he hadn’t said a word in the last two hours and no one introduced him so she did not know who he was and when I asked him, he knew even less about her. Of course this would happen to me. Ladies and gentlemen, this is exactly why I hold the title of “THE QUEEN OF COINCIDENCES”. Since Laurie is one of my bestest friends, I believe she did not take a bribe from him, and since he truly does not talk to anyone but me it seems, I believe them both. I have not met anyone who has had more twists of fate than I. We cannot seem to figure it out so anyone out there who has an idea, please share it with me and my friends. It turns out, ignoring clueless boys is not the way to go people.

What the hell are the chances the two of them would end up in the same group of people that very evening? He had been contacting me all night, even before dinner. I JUST ATE AT HER HOUSE. It's not often I'm rendered speechless...

The group enjoyed a beverages at the pub before we locomoted to the next destination. Mr. Houdini continued his enthusiasm in gallant fashion. Laurie pulled me aside and asked if I was positive this was the same person about whom I tell stories. I told her it was him in the flesh. We all walked across the street to the other bar. He happily purchased beverages for me, held my hand, and kissed me on the cheek multiple times. He kept telling me he was so happy to see me. He was making a liar of me, as Lo kept shooting baffled looks my way. The other boys in the group were friendly as usual. Eventually, Mr. Houdini and I made our way to a table, Lo and Mikie headed home, and the boys congregated outside near our corner. This is when I don’t mind him. He is charming, cute, funny, and very affectionate. He doesn’t care that his friends are watching him try to maul me. While he is a man of very few (and I mean most people probably think he’s mute) words, he’ll talk to me non-stop the entire time we are out and about. This is the reason I give him the benefit of the doubt more than I should. I cannot seem to figure out whether he’s really an ass or just socially retarded because he has no problem admitting he doesn’t deserve to see me and asks me repeatedly when I’m coming back from Ecuador, as if it matters. My inability to decipher his actions makes this situation slightly 'irresistible'. He was pleasant, the rest of the evening was comfortable, and I am pretty sure Laurie thinks I’m a big fat liar. She even called me the next day bright and early to tell me so.

I wonder if this was a sick joke sent from the heavens to teach me just to deal with people….


Shesabigstar said...

I too, am very rarely left speechless, however right now, there are just no words...

cupcake said...

I believe "it's like a train wreck, I can't stop looking" would be sufficient.

Don't worry. I'll be gone in a few weeks and it will be all over. :)

cupcake said...

I kind of miss this train wreck...