Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Finally, Back to Myself


Some where between 12:30 p.m. Saturday and 1:00 A.M. this morning, I was in rare form to the point where I was beginning to worry the apocalypse was coming. I have no idea what was wrong with me but it all started with a box of cookie crisp and two liters of diet Barq's root beer. Oh and there was that LARGE bag of BBQ Baked Lays potato chips too... not to mention the nice dollop of severe debilitating anxiety a day later when I sat down to officially plan my last five months here in the U.S. for at least a year. I had to take a nap immediately, otherwise, I was going to be plagued with a permanent panic attack. It was the most awful two days I've had in a very long time. I thought there would be reprieve when I came to work Monday morning, but alas, there was an extra enormous tray of frosted sugar cookies in the kitchen.
As soon as I saw them, I turned to see if the devil was following me because I thought for sure he was out to get me. I barely made it through the day without mentioning I wanted to kill someone. I consider this a bonus because lately, I've said it and practically meant it like five times a day (well not really, but you know what I mean). Fortunately, I was feeling nearly satisfactory when I reached the gathering at Laurie's for the basketball game only that lasted until Ohio State decided to die on the basketball court. Honestly, that was one of the worst games I've ever seen but I'll just leave it at that. I got home shortly after midnight and was feeling desperately ready for the funk to be over. I snuggled into bed and grabbed the book that has changed my life only to realize the only thing I've needed this past weekend was to pick up this book and to read five pages.

In Sept 2003, my dear friend Theresa gave me this book for my birthday. It's a small but chunky book full of insight, solace, ideas, and good feelings. I've read a few pages a day ever since she gave it to me. It changed my life that fall. I was jobless, loveless, unrequited, angry, lost, and had taken "Oscar" to an entirely new level to the point at which not one of my friends who lived with me would talk to me. They sent an ambassador to do the dirty work. It was terrible. I vividly remember walking into the Narberth Pub one night to DJ only it wasn't like the rest of the other nights because I brought my "Karma" book with me and the girls came in to visit, which I took as another sign. I set up my little station in the corner, picked out the cds for the next hour, pushed play, then sat down, and cracked open my little book. That was it. The rest is history. I returned back to my normal loving, friendly, happy self. And despite the embarrassment I might feel from admitting this, I actually cried when read some of the little bits of wisdom during that first encounter. The author's tips just hit me like a ton of bricks smack dab in my little heart. It was all just so simple, and finally, the world made sense again. Since that fateful night, I've tried to read a few pages of the book every night, especially when I'm feeling a little bit sad, a smidgen lonely, or wanting for inspiration. I'm not sure how my usual refuge escaped me this past Saturday, but for some reason it did. Next time, I'll head straight to my little book instead of wasting time grumbling over a box of cereal. (Thank God, I did not buy the box of Cocoa Puffs, too.)

Officially, I'd like to blame the full moon for the three headed Cupcake who made an appearance in the last 48 hours.

It amazes me how much delight I find in this little nugget. I've read the book at least four times since it was given to me. Who knows how many more times I'll read it. All I know for sure is that it's the cure for almost anything.

I'd like to thank Theresa for the introduction and Ms. Kipfer for the positive influence.

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