Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Mouse Massacre has Begun...

I arrived home around 8 p.m. last night only to be greeted by my lovely roommate, Erin, who was ready to set the rest of the mouse traps. I barely finished dinner before she insisted we get to work. I choked down what I could then gathered the remaining seven traps. I set all of them and placed them neatly on a baking sheet to transport to the garage. Once we reached the first floor, we meekly opened the garage door. Nothing was in sight so Erin BRAVELY ventured into the garage without shoes to put the traps in the corners and by the recycling, which is now the only wreckage left out there besides a random couch. (I have no idea where it came from or why it's there, but luckily, Heidi has volunteered to help us remove it later tonight.) At one point, I was certain a mouse ran in front of the door, which prompted me to close it thereby shutting Erin in the garage by herself with the vermin. She screamed, and I opened the door a crack to make sure the little bugger didn't get past the door. I was quite certain she was going to have a stroke but she finished the job without a complaint. Once all the traps were set, we shut the door and headed back upstairs.

After about 15 minutes, Erin insisted we go see if we had caught anything yet. While trying to avoid death by anxiety, I agreed to follow her. Sure enough, there was one half dead mouse convulsing on the concrete in front of the couch. Erin shrieked and I shut the door and ran upstairs. At this point, my hero began scratching her legs vehemently as a result of the anxiety she could not control. An hour later, Erin insisted we go back down to check on the traps. I began to think she was a glutton for punishment and decline the invite. She hurried down over the stairs, opened the door, the shrieked so loudly I'm certain most of the town heard her. I covered my ears and tried to think happy thoughts. She screamed up for me to join her down there yelling that there was another dead mouse RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR while another one was "seemingly humping his compadre" (please read her full comment regarding last nights mouse hunt here .) She wanted to show me but I refused to look. I marched back upstairs where I could pretend nothing happened. I grabbed some magazines and emphatically demanded we be finished for the night. She agreed so we went about our business until it was bedtime. Did I mention my bedroom is next to the garage?? (Diagram is located here .) I refused to let the nasty little buggers ruin my life so I decided to sleep in my room. On my way there, I heard scratching at the garage door and screamed. I demanded Erin come downstairs immediately. She peeked her head around the corner and listened. I made her come stand next to the door. We listened to the scratching and rustling for a few minutes before I proclaimed I couldn't take it anymore and went to bed. She asked if we should open the door but I would not let her. I chose to pretend it didn't happen. Off to bed we went and I had the wonderful experience of dreaming about mice in our kitchen. It was awesome.

This morning, I woke up from my unpleasant rest refusing to acknowledge any of the events occurring in the garage the previous evening. Erin called me twice at work complaining of anxiety and chest pains. I researched pest control options on the Internet and discovered a nifty new device that releases electronic waves making a house inhospitable for vermin. I am buying two first thing Friday morning. I'm also on the hunt for mouse traps like the ones the Meg's parents bought us last year. I don't even care about having to go to Lowe's for them and THAT IS HUGE! My compadre and I decided to meet at home for lunch so we could assess the situation. I have a feeling this is just the beginning.

I got home and headed to the kitchen to make some food, however, Erin valiantly demanded we take care of the mice instantly. Reluctantly, I followed her outside. Once again, She-Ra boldly entered the garage to remove the carcasses. I held a shovel while Erin marched into the disgusting battle scene armed with a plastic bag and tongs. We found one dead mouse right by the door. It was absolutely repulsive, however, very dead. First one disposed. Unfortunately, the two mice we saw last night were gone. It appeared they vanished with the humping compadre. I'm guessing, the "brood" had taken their bodies, AND THE TRAPS back to the burial ground where they were either going to eat them or hide them. Erin ventured further into the garage where she was greeted by another dead bugger. She let out a loud groan and began convulsing herself. It was awful. We found two more traps that were tripped and licked clean but did not harbor any rodents. I have no idea where the bastards took their dead friends, but this meant war. We are ordering the electronic Pest OFFensive, picking up more traps, and "cleaning house" tonight.

TRAPS SET: SEVEN
GRAND TOTAL OF MICE SEEN: FIVE
GRAND TOTAL OF MICE DEAD: FOUR
GRAND TOTAL OF MICE REMOVED: TWO
TRAPS LEFT: TWO

I have no sympathy for these dirty little bastards. We're going to get them one way or another. We just can't take it anymore. I fear one of us will just drop dead from anxiety otherwise. I am open to any suggestions 'the people' might have...

Meanwhile, I'll keep you posted.

6 comments:

Shesabigstar said...

True story:
As soon as I finished reading this post, my legs started itching!!

shovel girl said...

Oh my gosh I'm just dying over here. I can't take it. I am guessing a vacation at a spa might be in order.

Ross Douglas said...

Holy Shamoly!
I think I'll need a sponsorship from the National baseball league if I'm going to be hired to hurl baseballs at these little furballs.

cupcake said...

After last night, I'd be willing to find you a sponsor.

Shesabigstar said...

As least if we hired Ross our garage would look more like a Baseball field instead of the streets of Baghdad.

We could even make a theme party out of it...oh I can see it now. Great fun...a baseball party.

cupcake said...

I love how you've turned this from a Disney crusade to a party.