Monday, January 01, 2007

My thoughts on the month of January...

I feel a hermitage coming on...I don't know why, but the beginning of January always makes me want to curl up in a hole to contemplate my life. It makes me feel like a wounded animal who defensively seeks out the refuge of solitude in order to find some sense and solace. January is my least favorite month and with the exception of one day (happy early birthday Beth), I would skip in entirely if I could. I've often considered spending the month in the Greek Isles or the Maldives just to appease my dread and anticipation of the one bad thing that always happens in this awful month. For as long as I can remember, at least as far back as 1999, the most negative event of the year never misses an appearance in the first month of the year. I desperately try not to manifest whatever it is, but no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it, I just end up waiting for the mysterious plague to occur, and it does, without fail, before the pretty pink month of February gallops in to change the ambiance. Maybe that is why I suddenly feel the urge to become a hermit at the end of December. It probably does not help I've already had déjà vu TWICE this morning, and this week, my attempts at not taking things personally became very difficult. I've discovered if I practice enough, I can master three of the agreements easily, however, this fourth one is HARD. It also might have something to do with the recent magazine article I read, which included a lovely thought-provoking question for readers: "Are you living the life you want?" With minimal analysis (VERY RARE), the answer for me is no. Luckily, I can blame my inability to change on dopamine and try to Pavlov myself into new behavior. Although, I have my doubts about changing my opinion on being a recluse for the month of January. Ask me how I feel in a week when I return from my retreat at an old farmhouse where I'm house-sitting and cat-sitting. On second thought, this might be exactly what I need...

"May this year be as happy as you make it." ~ Anonymous

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