Monday, August 14, 2006

A day in the life of the family

Two questions I receive on a regular basis are "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" and "Why are you here?" The first one is easy: when I am 35 and boys act old enough to date, then sure, I'll think about it. (Thank you Erik for the advice and little Julia, your father is right.) I also have yet to meet anyone who could deal with my absolutely crazy family, which became more evident on Sunday. I spent the entire day with my aunts and uncles. They subjected me to a terrible breakfast (I LOVE breakfast, and I am a breakfast snob. I consider myself an expert on the meal and prefer local no-name diners hidden in spots in town only locals can find) at a chain restaurant. However, the meal was great because my father's older brother is HYSTERICAL. I have to give props to Barbara for marrying him. She's an angel!

For them, this is the city. They don't get out much. Luckily, they only wanted to do minimal shopping (Thank God!), which pertained to furniture and a wholesale club (I don't mind clubs so much because of the book selections). After a brief bout of consumerism, I became the tour guide and showed them all the wonderful spots in my beloved city. We kicked off the tour at the parking garage. I have yet to find a better view of the harbor than the one I accidentally found on the 8th floor of this garage. The view is 360 degrees of the harbor and bay. It's fantastic. The tour almost ended there though because my eldest uncle thinks he's ancient and almost died walking up the stairs. But in the end he claimed it was worth the effort because the view was spectacular.

From there the we went to every beautiful and favorite place I could think of to show them. They saw all the lighthouses, all the beaches, all the best places to eat, drink and be merry. The islands, the eastern prom, everywhere. I showed them everything they wanted to see and then some. It was nice to acquaint them with all the things I see on a daily basis and sometimes take for granted.

However, the highlight of the day came before lunch. My dad's youngest sister and her husband thought it would be funny to start talking about the porno they happened to click past on TV the night before. The conversation became something a niece should not hear but that never stops them. I thought everyone was going to pee in my car before we made it to lunch. I'll spare you the details of the conversation as they were traumatic enough for me to hear. Then they wonder why I do not have a boyfriend. I doubt I'll ever be able to subject anyone to the peculiarities of my wonderful family.

After our adventure, I was sad to see them leave. I love my family very much. After their departure, I realized why I am here: because it is beautiful and my family is wildly entertaining. I would hate to miss out on the Christmas parties, despite the sex toy exchanges. I can't wait until Thanksgiving...

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